Time for a wine-fueled hot take

"If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent" (essextee) 01/23/2020 at 22:16 • Filed to: Hot take, hot toddy

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There is absolutely no reason to own a radar detector other than to try to defeat speed traps. Having one basically broadcasts to the world that you’re a shitdick who intentionally drives at unsafe speeds and the presence of one in your car should be enough evidence for a speeding ticket on the spot.

It’s funny though, the types of authority-hating jerks who own radar detector s are always the first to slap Thin Blue Line stickers on their car when minorities start getting gunned down.

UserNotFound > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/23/2020 at 22:29

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Don’t hold back, tell us how you really feel. 

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > UserNotFound 01/23/2020 at 22:31

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I jus' [hic] did

MM54 > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/23/2020 at 22:31

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I have coworkers who swear by them; here in Ohio there are cops around every corner so I see where they’re coming from, but there’s another option - don’t drive absurdly fast everywhere you go.

As far as I’m concerned, having one is a big gamble - it may stop you from getting pulled over if you get on the brakes before they notice you, but if you do happen to get stopped, there is 0% you’re getting out of a ticket with a big “I REGULARLY SPEED” sign suction cupped to the windshield .

For Sweden > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/23/2020 at 22:32

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Are you telling me the cannonball run people are not cool

UserNotFound > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/23/2020 at 22:33

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No you didn't. You're holding back. NOW TELL US HOW YOU REALLY FEEL. 

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > MM54 01/23/2020 at 22:33

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Exactly. The only reaaon to own one is “i don’t want to get stopped for speeding” and there is a very easy and very free way to accomplish  that . Don’t speed.

CB > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/23/2020 at 22:33

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Based on my knowledge of how police use speed radar, these are pretty useless anyway.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > For Sweden 01/23/2020 at 22:34

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They’re cool but also stupid and Bad. Things can be more than one thing you know

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > UserNotFound 01/23/2020 at 22:35

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Ok ay fine. MOST MENS DEODORANT SCENTS ARE BULLSHIT. WHAT IF I WANT TO SMELL LIKE APPLES? HUH?

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > CB 01/23/2020 at 22:36

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I'm pretty useless might as well prop me up on your dash

UserNotFound > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/23/2020 at 22:37

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UserNotFound > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/23/2020 at 22:38

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Now we're getting somewhere. Tell me about your father. 

For Sweden > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/23/2020 at 22:39

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If you want cool radar detection buy a telescope

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > UserNotFound 01/23/2020 at 22:39

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No thanks I've already had my fill of Port

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > For Sweden 01/23/2020 at 22:40

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Oooooh I need to watch The Dish again. Lots of cool aussie cars

For Sweden > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/23/2020 at 22:40

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Just buy unscented

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > For Sweden 01/23/2020 at 22:42

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No. Wanna smell like apples. Why do women get to smell like apples?

Cool Rush is fine but it's not a real scent dammit

XJDano > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/23/2020 at 22:44

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This is our forbidden fruit. 

nFamousCJ - Keeper of Stringbean, Gengars and a Deezul > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/23/2020 at 22:44

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I mean you’re not wrong. It’s like those sprays used to *fool* red light cameras (they dont work) but just means you can’t follow simple green, yellow, red commands. Or the piece that plugs into you seatbelt without actually wearing the seatbelt. Bump stocks simulating an automatic rifle without actually owning a real one.

For Sweden > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/23/2020 at 22:47

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Because they go apple picking

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > UserNotFound 01/23/2020 at 22:49

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SmugAardvark > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/23/2020 at 22:50

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Hot (and mostly sarcastic) take: There’s no reason to have a car with a top speed over 70mph unless it is a race car used exclusively on tracks.

Back on topic though, I hardly ever see radar detectors anymore. I think most departments have switched to laser/lidar or just quick pulse radar , which detectors don’t do much for anyway.

TheTurbochargedSquirrel > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/23/2020 at 22:52

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They are pretty useless now that cars are full of radars. Is there a cop up ahead? Nope, the CRV in the other lane has cruise control enabled. The number of things to trigger a false positive has gone up exponentially to the point where radar speed detectors are probably the least common form of radar you find on the road.

TheTurbochargedSquirrel > SmugAardvark 01/23/2020 at 22:57

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Radar detectors are also getting killed off by the fact that new cars are full of radars. Adaptive cruise, blind spot monitors, etc all use radar and generate a ton of false positives for radar detectors.

superdave847 > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/23/2020 at 23:01

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This was wine? Sign me up for the Tequila hot takes

someassemblyrequired > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/23/2020 at 23:02

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Why are they even a thing when Waze is way better at letting you know where the speedtraps are?

Under_Score > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/23/2020 at 23:02

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At least it’s not these.

DipodomysDeserti > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/23/2020 at 23:03

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Check out Schmidt’s. I rock their Bergamot and Lime scent.

fintail > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/23/2020 at 23:05

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I do notice a fun cognitive dissonance in law and order types when it comes to speed limits. Get outside of the metro area here, and it is brotruck/SUV going 20 over all the time. The only laws that brave warrior patriot demographic cares about relate to immigration, abortion, and trickle down lies (and maybe marriage for the real drones).

I seldom go more than 10 over aside from brief spurts, never felt the need for a detector.

That being said, not sure if there’s always a link between speed limits and “safety”. Is going 30 over bad? Most likely. 10 over? I’m not sold.

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/23/2020 at 23:09

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I have the same feelings on these plate covers. congrats on alerting every cop you’re trying to fool a camera

Tekamul > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/23/2020 at 23:10

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“intentionally drives at unsafe speeds”

B uckle up for a story.

Around the corner from my house, a long stretch of state highway had a speed limit of 50. A real estate development company that built condos near an intersection of that highway wanted to put a new entrance from that highway to the condos. State law says you can’t do that unless the road limit is 40. Company pushes town for a change. Town requests review from the state to validate the speed limit. State traffic study says safe speed and traffic density indicate limit should be raised to 55. Company threatens to cease development in town unless they go appeal for a reduction to the state .

Now the speed limit is 40, and town cops camp out on either end of the 40 zone passing out tickets like bubble gum. Also, that entrance never got built.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > superdave847 01/23/2020 at 23:13

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It wasn’t just wine. It was port.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > fintail 01/23/2020 at 23:14

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The bulk of the traffic is already going 10 over. That's the safe speed.

wafflesnfalafel > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/23/2020 at 23:24

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T hey make you feel safer, which is important for some folks - have a buddy who has one in his Mustang. He still gets tickets and the thing goes off all the time with false alarms, but he swears by it.

fintail > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/23/2020 at 23:33

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In western WA anyway , many “drivers” think the speed limit is more than fast enough, thank you very much, speed kills !!!!!11!   

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > fintail 01/23/2020 at 23:37

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Sp eed doesn’t kill. Sudden deceleration does.

fintail > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/23/2020 at 23:48

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Or if someone wa s drunk or distracted and going 68 in a 60 when they messed up , speed wasn’t the real issue (although the pearl-clutchers and insurance cabal will scream differently)

NKato > fintail 01/23/2020 at 23:50

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Really? In my neck of Liberal-Circle-jerk land, it's usually five over on city streets, and between 60 and 70 on the freeway until you come up on that twat camping the left lane at speed limit or five under. 

Jay, the practical enthusiast > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/23/2020 at 23:53

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That reminds me, I used Google maps for my Thanksgiving drive from central Florida to Tennessee and back. Every single speed trap was correctly marked on the map. I don't see how anyone could get pulled over anymore. 

fintail > NKato 01/24/2020 at 00:36

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I drive 405 a bit, and other highways in the Issaquah-Bellevue-Bothell-Kent quagmire. 70 seems possible only for short stretches, 5 under the limit seems to be a typical speed for maybe half the cars on 405 during light volumes, and the freakin left lane campers are everywhere, especially 405 south of Bellevue and 167 south of Kent . Then if I go to conservative bastions of morality and hard wor k and building it yourself and certainly not sucking from the tea t of public sector and/or parental largesse (if you want to inject political nonsense, I can do it too)   like unincorporated south King/Pierce/Snoho, I’ll see a mental defective in a lifted POS planted 3" from someone’s butt and/ or going 80 in a 60 in the rain.

SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/24/2020 at 00:50

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Meh...they are banned here. Besides...the location of every fixed and mobile speed camera is publicly made available to any number of traffic sites including Google Maps and whatever Apple does.

Only police car detectors are not (for obvious reasons). And in many (most?) cases, if the cops do want to speed gun you they use a laser sensor...

RangerSmith > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/24/2020 at 01:02

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I don’t disagree that fast and the furious types give radar detectors a bad name.

I will disagree that radar detectors don’t have a place in society. Especially, outside of the metropolitan areas of our country. The difference between 65 and 80 mph for 300 miles is 52 minutes. On an empty road with an attentive driver, its hardly a crime to want to avoid some rural Johnny Law when on the way home to see your family .

I currently favor the Valentine One, as it tells you which direction the the signal is coming from.

NKato > fintail 01/24/2020 at 01:06

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Heh. For me, it feels more or less about okay along US 2, as well as the surface roads I take on my commute.

Then again, I drive non peak hours. One thing I’ve noticed consistently is how people avoid riding my bumper. They’re usually like 5 car lengths behind me instead of the usual two.

Maybe it’s my cop car. Hohohoho.

P.S. people are still stupid sometimes. We have a sign that counts how many days have gone by without a serious accident. It rarely gets into the 3 digit range... and usually as soon as that happens, someone gets into the guardrail and wrecks out. 

facw > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/24/2020 at 01:06

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Of course, the speed limit, the maximum safe speed, and the speed at which a cop decides to pull you over are different things, so I get the appeal. I don’t bother with them though (but I am appreciative when Google Maps warns me of a speed trap, though not so much as to switch to Waze to get more warnings).

RangerSmith > fintail 01/24/2020 at 01:15

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You’re right they don’t work in Western Washington. I bought one a couple of years after moving to Eastern, WA. Many of them work great on the open road!

PyroHoltz f@h Oppo 261120 > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/24/2020 at 01:42

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Port puts me to sleep... too sweet

ttyymmnn > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/24/2020 at 01:59

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I used to have one. It was more a fin gizmo than a cop avoider, since I rarely speed as it is. It was helpful, though, to have it go off and remind me to pay attention to my speed. Thing is, by the time it goes off, you’re already busted. 

Stef Schrader > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/24/2020 at 02:20

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Man, I’m a sweaty sweatball. I have to go for the high-powered stuff and it never comes in the fun scents! I’m lucky if I can find lavender or something.

Stef Schrader > Jay, the practical enthusiast 01/24/2020 at 02:22

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They could be the one who marks the speedtrap.

RPM esq. > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/24/2020 at 02:33

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So really it’s a sugar-based hot take...a pre-hangover figment of your dehydration.

RPM esq. > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/24/2020 at 02:52

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The correlation of radar detector ownership with “thin blue line” bootlickerdom seems incomprehensible but man...spend five minutes on a Charger forum and you’ll see it’s a whole lifestyle. Probably also hear some rumors about gay frogs.

RacinBob > ttyymmnn 01/24/2020 at 07:50

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I have a Valentine and I mount it with the clip put on backward into the headliner next to the mirror. It has a remote display by the shifter. It is so tucked away I once had someone go through the car looking for something to steal at night an they didn’t even notice it. Neither would a cop as the upper display is blacked out.

I speed, but not faster than the 90th percentile traffic on the road and probably 75th percentile in town. Doing 85 in a 70 in Wisconsin will get you a ticket radar or not. Its helpful in determining where the traps are and finding rolling radar. It’s probably prevented 3 tickets in 20 years and for me that is worth it. Examples are edges of town that should be 55 but are 25. Example outside of Mid Ohio and on the way to Road America.

TysMagic > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/24/2020 at 09:06

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I’ll engage for the hangover crowd this morning, I’ve been using a radar detector for years and am unashamed of my assholery for it. That said, I’m typically 10-15 over and getting passed by corollas. It saved younger me from speeding tickets many times . Now it’s mostly just a reminder of how cool I used to be and occasionally helpful on road trips.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/24/2020 at 09:38

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Even when I had a radar detector years ago I don’t know if it ever saved me from a ticket or not. I only have one speeding ticket and have been pulled over 4 times. I think they are useless. I’d rather spend my money on undercarriage LED lights.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > PyroHoltz f@h Oppo 261120 01/24/2020 at 11:05

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Yeah but that 18% ABV tho

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Stef Schrader 01/24/2020 at 11:08

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Still better than whatever tf "Swagger" is

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > RPM esq. 01/24/2020 at 11:14

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The mental gymnastics required to hold two dissonant beliefs like that are simply astounding

PyroHoltz f@h Oppo 261120 > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/24/2020 at 11:20

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Yeah but I’d rather have a mellow, not- too- sweet, m argarita and get a similar ABV.

fintail > NKato 01/24/2020 at 12:40

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Ha, good point, how did I forget about the Queen? If I had that behind me, I might get a little anxious too :) and I definitely wouldn’t tailgate it.

2 is a literal deathtrap especially east of Monroe, inexcusable, more neglected infrastructure in this state, no doubt to keep the undeserved perks and bennies coming for cradle to grave public sector leadership.

People are stupid every time.  Come to Bellevue during the day and just drive around for a couple hours - you’ll be astounded, but not in a good way.

fintail > RangerSmith 01/24/2020 at 12:43

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Funny, I am on that side a bit, and I r arely see speedtraps outside of 82 around Yakima, and maybe a random around Spokane or Pullman. I’ve hit some definitely extra legal speeds on certain roads in that area.

RangerSmith > fintail 01/24/2020 at 23:59

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Ellensburg in the summer can be as bad as Colfax/Pullman, and it’s best to just go the speed limit. Not five over, the actually posted limit. WSP normally sets up a good one between Ritzville and Sprague Lake. I routinely see S taters lining cars up on the shoulder of I-82 south of Kennewick . You mentioned Spokane/Cheney.

The entire stretch of I84 between Hermiston and Portland is another place where I can get good use. As well as US 97 through the middle of Oregon. Haven’t had a chance to stretch my legs in Montana for a while, but I have a trip there this spring.

fintail > RangerSmith 01/25/2020 at 00:50

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The worst I have seen on the east side is still Yakima, often a trap there, especially south of town. Maybe I’ve just been lucky, or I don’t speed egregiously enough to warrant attention. I’m a 40 something white guy driving a white station wagon, and I seldom have the cruise set for more than 10 over, I like to think I am somewhat under the radar. I drove all over the area on a couple trips this fall visiting family and friends, and don’t remember anything too crazy, but I wasn’t going crazy fast, and I was driving somewhat subtle cars (the rented Escalade might have been a bit brash, but it also screams “old conservative white guy” in that area, and I suspect they aren’t speed targets). I can believe Tri-Cities has traps though, largest city after a long drive and you probably have people getting antsy to get home or take a break - low hanging fruit. Same for Pullman/Colfax , with the college town ideal helping.

The last time I drove 97 in OR, it was a mess, one long traffic jam. I definitely like driving in eastern WA more than most of western WA though, and I usually plan my trips to avoid the interstate - the state highways are scenic and relaxing, even if they add a little time. I try to get off the interstate at the Columbia at the latest.

For west side speedtraps, 5 south of Tacoma all the way to Oregon can be bad, along with 167 south of Kent, and 5 in the Bellingham area.

Stef Schrader > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/25/2020 at 19:32

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It’s a wagon, I think. Or a van? I don’t know, the ad isn’t clear on this.